Here I go again…

Call it mother’s intuition but I just knew I was pregnant this time! Even after the 1st, 2nd and yes 3rd NEGATIVE pregnancy tests I just knew. I calmed down, waited a few days, tested again and there it was the double line marking the beginning of another crazy, beautiful and LONG journey to meeting my new tiny human.

I remember how I felt the first time around…excited, nervous, scared, scared, SCARED..ok you get the point. But this time I felt another emotion I didn’t expect to fell…GUILT!

I felt guilty that being pregnant would hinder me from giving my little Cupcake all of the time and attention she would need.

I felt guilty that some days I would be too tired to play with her as much as I wanted too.

I felt guilty that she would not always be the center of attention.

I felt guilty that she would no longer be my ONLY…

I then felt guilty for feeling GUILTY so I just went and grabbed some ice cream 😉

I was always just fine with Adrianna being an only child but I wasn’t opposed to having another child..just not this soon.  I have spent too many hours stressing about how I will manage with a 15 month old and a newborn and just writing about it makes my head spin.

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has an opinion about how hard my life will now be. But you see they don’t know that this little woman has always juggled working 3-4 jobs at a time so hey how hard can two little ones be??…please don’t answer that question, let me live in my own little world that it will be a cake walk 😉

But you know what? This time around I’m not reading any books on how to prepare for this new chapter in my life- I’m going to write my own book so to speak.  Common sense tells me it will be tough in the beginning but so is anything new that you take on.  I don’t need an “expert” to tell me to ask for help or take naps when I can..if anyone tells me to go ahead and take a nap I’m going to jump in the nearest bed!

I haven’t chronicled every single milestone with this pregnancy and hell just tack that on to the list of things I feel guilty about too! I have been just trying my best not to miss a single moment that is going on in the present with my now 1-year-old baby girl:

I try to go to bed early so that I have energy to run around the house with her.

I get up early to take my Zofran so that I can hold down meals since I have been sick as a dog for the past 14 weeks :/

I hold her a little bit longer after she falls asleep at bedtime and just stare at her sweet little face.

I talk to her about her new baby sister and tell her she will soon have a best friend for life!

I’m 3 weeks away from the halfway point of my pregnancy and I’m still in shock that I will have another little girl to hold in my arms very soon.

I can happily say the guilt is subsiding and the excitement is kicking in. Cupcake will have a sister so close in age to her and that is something I ALWAYS wanted growing up.

This is something I have been telling myself to help me when I have those days of feeling overwhelmed by the thought of possibly loving another little girl as much as I love Cupcake.

“Cupcake wont have to share my heart, my heart will simply multiply to make room for her little sister”!

Guilt subsided for now…now off to snuggle with my little Cupcake 🙂

IMG_3958